I keep having these experiences where I am speaking in real time, but simultaneously feeling very self-aware and self-conscious that I am speaking. Suddenly I question where I am, what I’m saying, and why I’m saying it. Life actually feels like a Magritte painting. I constantly feel like I am the man in the bowler hat with a green apple hiding my face. Your guess is as good as mine as to what that even means.
Time works differently in Ithaca. It’s slower and longer and the cafes and restaurants have empty seats. You can walk on the sidewalk and you might be the only one there. Minutes can go by before a car passes you on the road. Where are all the busy people? It is refreshing to have this calm environment, but I have not fully adjusted to the way the clock ticks here yet. I think the reason this blog post is so weird so far is there is very little time for self-reflection while working at the Hangar and now I am trying to articulate my experience here as truthfully as possible, and it flows out of me strangely.
There is an energy here that is addictive. Maybe it’s all the trees. I feel at once very on top of things and very behind. I feel overwhelmed and completely calm at the same. Excited and scared. I have a lot of questions. And that is welcomed here, thank god.
It’s been a week that truly feels like three and I can tell you with sincere confidence that I could truly do this job forever.
This summer I will work on the art of true collaboration: how do I collaborate with a group of strangers? How do I learn to trust? How do I delegate? How do I use the creative juices of every person on my team and then filter those juices into the art and finally into the audience?
How do I grow? What challenges will I allow myself to take on? When will I feel out of control and how will I handle that?
How do I nurture growth? How do I attune my senses to the needs of my Lab Academy, Company, and Design Team? How can I be a strong mentor and teacher when so often I feel lost and lost and where am I…?
How will I critique my work and my growth this summer?
How will others?
How or why should anyone care?
That’s not meant to be rhetorical.